Posted by: deadmousediaries | August 16, 2012

News from the Path Valley Hotel, Episode # 30 – Back Cover Highlights of our Travel Brochure

It seems that our word-of-mouth campaign about exciting encounters with snakes, bats and spiders hasn’t been as effective in attracting guests to the Path Valley Hotel as I originally thought so I’ve put the  entire Hotel marketing department on one job: getting our travel brochure off to the printer. Fortunately, my former career in PR has given me some insight in how to maximize our investment.

I purchased a lot of high-priced ad space when I worked in corporate communications.  When it comes to value in a publication that has any kind of shelf-life, the real bargain is on the  “second cover” (the back).  It is always priced less than front cover but still gives you a 50/50 chance of being the first thing readers see when they pick your rag up from the coffee table.  That means that the back panel of our glitzy, tri-fold PVH brochure still offers some premium real estate and is deserving of its own great copy.

In Episode #22, you saw some highlights of our Hotel travel brochure. Now here are the additions for the back panel as we get closer to publication.

Brochure copy: We offer free valet parking. Translation: If you have four-wheel drive, someone here will find you a spot to park between the trees. (If you drive a sissy car, you should consider staying home or maybe book a cruise.)

Brochure copy: Our night life rocks ’til dawn. Translation: Depending on the season, you’ll be serenaded all night long by some kind of bug. Now in mid-August, it’s katydids. In another few weeks, it will be crickets. If you’re a light sleeper, bring ear plugs because they are just the background singers. Solo performers include racoons rummaging in the trash, porcupines rambling through the underbrush and screech owls doing whatever it is they do after midnight. We also heard a bobcat scream one night which will be unmistakable in the way it sets your hair on end if you ever hear it. (And , oh, I think we are part of a black bear’s foraging circuit but I don’t want to overpromise and then under-deliver in this brochure.)

Brochure copy: Entertainment includes spectacular light shows every evening: Translation: We now have four lighted fish bowls.  If you personally decide to get lit to enhance your viewing pleasure while watching the fish, we pride ourselves in our discretion. We can keep a lid on things as well as all the best no-tell hotels like The Watergate, the Beverly Hills Hotel, and the Ritz Carlton, Pentagon City.

Brochure copy:  Guest services include envigorating spa treatments: Translation: We have an old egg-beater that you can use in the tub to fluff up an amazing layer of bubbles.  You’ll also burn calories while you are relaxing because this particular device is hand-cranked. (This is also a safety precaution. If getting lit also gets you stupid, then there is very little chance that you will accidentally electrocute yourself.)

Brochure copy: Leave feeling great about’ living green’ during your stay. Translation: you don’t get fresh towels every day and we serve tap water from our well, not bottled Evian (which is ‘naive’ spelled backwards, btw).  Our food scraps get ‘recycled’ by the wild things and in acknowledgment of  the serious drought situation across the country, we  encourage the “If it’s yellow, let it mellow”  philosophy of flushing.

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Responses

  1. OMG……..you provided a much needed laugh first thing this morning. I have an interesting day ahead and very much neeed to start my day with laughter.
    You are too much!! (In a good way).


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