Posted by: deadmousediaries | September 1, 2012

News from the Path Valley Hotel, Episode #31 – Tonight Only! Spa Special: Blue Moontanning

August 31, 2012 – There’s still time to take advantage of one of the Path Valley Hotel’s most exotic spa services, but hurry! It only runs ’til dawn. The current special has not been offered here at the PVH since July, 2004, and it will not be scheduled again until July, 2014. Can you really wait another two years to unwind (or set your wild thing free) while blue  moontanning?

Yes, I said blue moontanning (or, blue-moon tanning, if you prefer). For the second time this month, a peep-hole in the summer sky has been opened up and a flashlight beam from the other side has leaked through to Earth to give us a magical view of the night time landscape around us.  The air is warm and the late summer chorus of cicadas and katytdids is in perfect pitch. Above it all,  the full moon’s filtered lumens are dripping deliciously through our treetops. Perfection!

Don’t think I don’t know there have been and will be other blue moons but a summer blue moon here in the middle latitudes when you can shimmy out of your skivvies and comfortably get a moontan without freezing your tuckus ? Now that’s news. It’s been eight years since the last blue moontanning special and who knows about the next one??? The year 2014 isn’t even on the Mayan calendar. Life is short, my friend.

Our Hotel staff will provide everything you need to enjoy your experience including protective eyewear to deflect those harmful UV rays. (Oh wait, scratch that. there aren’t any harmful rays.) We’ll give you a  big, ole fluffy beach towel upon which you can rotate your carcass if you’d prefer to relax during your tanning session rather than burn off some calories by joining our regular dancing-naked-in-the-moonlight crowd. We will also give you one of those cute little tattoo stickers you can apply on some fleshy billboard area (or perhaps a forbidden, naughty curve) that will guarantee you will know how much moontan you absorbed by the time your session’s over. (Well, actually, what we do is duct tape a small cookie cutter to your butt but the effect is virtually the same when you remove it.) Position your moontan marker proudly for all to see or reveal it seductively later; it’s your choice. I can’t repeat too often: we pride ourselves in our discretion.

To add to your spa experience, all of our $6 stereo systems will  be playing a little something from Golden Earring, from their Moontan album, of course. We guarantee your full satisfaction so we will be vigilant in reminding you after every third song that it’s time to  turn over on your towel to make sure your tan is even.

And on this night, and for one night only, we’re hosting a marvelous birthday bash. My brain can’t do all the calculations necessary to determine if the forces of the universe will ever again align to allow us to turn up the blue moon spotlight and moondance  with Van Morrison on his August 31st birthday. There is no disputing that we have artfully packaged all the components of a once-in-a-lifetime celebration here and we are happy to help Van the Man promote his latest album, Born to Sing: NoPlan B, which will be released in October.

It is indeed, a marvelous night for a moondance, Mr. Morrison. Thank you for creating a song to remind us. (And as always, it’s a fantabulous night to make romance here at the Path Valley Hotel.)  Stop by our registration desk and sign up now for the 2014 experience if you’ve missed this year’s blue moontanning special. We’ll add you to our waiting list.

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Responses

  1. sounds like a great time at the pvh


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